Old aunties used to annoy me at WEDDINGS by pinching my cheeks & saying “You’re NEXT”.

They stopped, when I started doing the same to them on FUNERALS.

Two:

Little keys can open big locks. I hope my simple pray can make your life GREAT. My God give you lots of Happiness today and forever.

Three:

Brain is the most important part of human body, it works 24 hours a day and remain awake even you are sleeping. It started working right after your birth and works and works Until you get MARRIED.

Four:

A school held a contest for kidz. The theme was:

The nicest thing my DAD ever did for ME!

Award winning answer was:

He MARRIED my MOM!

Five

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.

Father said: Please hold my hand.

Girl: No Dad! You hold my hand.

Father: What’s the difference?

Girl: If I hold your hand, I may leave in some difficulty, but I am sure, if you hold my hand, you’ll never leave my hand.

May God Bless Our Parents.

Six

A great sentence was written at a japneese bus stop.

Only buses stop here, not your time, so keep walking towards your goal.

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A man walks into a New York bank, and says he’s going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $ 5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.

The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41.

The loan officer says inquiringly, “Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?”

“Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?”

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Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license  please?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have  one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years  ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle  registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do  that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this  car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and  hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body  parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The  Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for  back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that  you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk  of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but  an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older  Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite  stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a  driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a  clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the  license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of  my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and  that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar  told you I was speeding, too.

MORAL:

Don’t Mess With Little Old Ladies

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A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race come about?”

The Mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.”

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?”

The Mother answers, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.”

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Romance Mathematics

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance

Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair

Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage

Office Arithmetic

Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit

Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

Shopping Math

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.

General Equations& Statistics

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Happiness

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Longevity

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Propensity To Change

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

Discussion Technique

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

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