Manure… An interesting fact

Manure : In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before the invention of commercial fertilizers, so large shipments of manure were quite common. It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, not only did it become heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ‘ Stow high in transit ‘ on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ‘ S.H.I.T ‘ , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a term used when you forgot your spouses’ birthday.

Yours Sincerely,

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Old aunties used to annoy me at WEDDINGS by pinching my cheeks & saying “You’re NEXT”.

They stopped, when I started doing the same to them on FUNERALS.

Two:

Little keys can open big locks. I hope my simple pray can make your life GREAT. My God give you lots of Happiness today and forever.

Three:

Brain is the most important part of human body, it works 24 hours a day and remain awake even you are sleeping. It started working right after your birth and works and works Until you get MARRIED.

Four:

A school held a contest for kidz. The theme was:

The nicest thing my DAD ever did for ME!

Award winning answer was:

He MARRIED my MOM!

Five

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.

Father said: Please hold my hand.

Girl: No Dad! You hold my hand.

Father: What’s the difference?

Girl: If I hold your hand, I may leave in some difficulty, but I am sure, if you hold my hand, you’ll never leave my hand.

May God Bless Our Parents.

Six

A great sentence was written at a japneese bus stop.

Only buses stop here, not your time, so keep walking towards your goal.

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What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

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Do u know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband: Without Information Fighting Everytime.

Wife: With Idiot For Ever !!!”

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What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

and Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

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A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, “Are all these kids yours?”

The man replies, “No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints”.

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A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential.

Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that’s confidential!”

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For those who are single on 14th Feb as I am

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Happy Independence Day….

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A man walks into a New York bank, and says he’s going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $ 5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.

The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41.

The loan officer says inquiringly, “Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?”

“Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?”

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Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license  please?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have  one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years  ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle  registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do  that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this  car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and  hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body  parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The  Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for  back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that  you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk  of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but  an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older  Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite  stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a  driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a  clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the  license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of  my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and  that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar  told you I was speeding, too.

MORAL:

Don’t Mess With Little Old Ladies

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A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race come about?”

The Mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.”

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?”

The Mother answers, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.”

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Finally he decided to write a letter to God requesting $50.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they decided to forward it to the President of the United States as a joke. The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $20 bill, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House in Washington, DC ..and those assholes deducted $30.

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Symbol: WO+

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban and rural areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.
2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD

Illegal to possess more than one, although, several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.

!! WARNING!!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS ABOVE PROPERTIES ARE SHOWN BY ALL THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD

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Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Nun, who was waiting by his bed.

“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?” “No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Then can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun. “I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned sternly. “Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.” “Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters – they are married to God!”

“Really?,” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!”

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