One:

Old aunties used to annoy me at WEDDINGS by pinching my cheeks & saying “You’re NEXT”.

They stopped, when I started doing the same to them on FUNERALS.

Two:

Little keys can open big locks. I hope my simple pray can make your life GREAT. My God give you lots of Happiness today and forever.

Three:

Brain is the most important part of human body, it works 24 hours a day and remain awake even you are sleeping. It started working right after your birth and works and works Until you get MARRIED.

Four:

A school held a contest for kidz. The theme was:

The nicest thing my DAD ever did for ME!

Award winning answer was:

He MARRIED my MOM!

Five

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.

Father said: Please hold my hand.

Girl: No Dad! You hold my hand.

Father: What’s the difference?

Girl: If I hold your hand, I may leave in some difficulty, but I am sure, if you hold my hand, you’ll never leave my hand.

May God Bless Our Parents.

Six

A great sentence was written at a japneese bus stop.

Only buses stop here, not your time, so keep walking towards your goal.

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Fun & Humor Funny, Humor, Inspirational Wisdom, Joke

**************************

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

******************************

Do u know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband: Without Information Fighting Everytime.

Wife: With Idiot For Ever !!!”

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What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

and Panic is when both are pregnant.

****************************

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

*****************************

A woman asks a man who is traveling with six children, “Are all these kids yours?”

The man replies, “No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints”.

*****************************

A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential.

Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son, that’s confidential!”

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Fun & Humor

A good sms i got today (from Alee):

For those who are single on 14th Feb as I am

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Happy Independence Day….

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Fun & Humor

This is the best way to park your car in new york. A real cool old gold.

A man walks into a New York bank, and says he’s going to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $ 5000. For collateral, he offers his new Rolls Royce.

The bank is satisfied and parks it in their secured underground garage. Two weeks later to the day, the man returns to the bank, repays the $5000 and interest of $15.41.

The loan officer says inquiringly, “Sir, we were delighted to have your business but, in checking your credit, we learned you are a multimillionaire. Why ever did you need to borrow $5000?”

“Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for $15.41?”

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Fun & Humor Car Parking, Funny, Humor, Joke, New York

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license  please?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have  one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years  ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle  registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can’t do  that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this  car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and  hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body  parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The  Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for  back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that  you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk  of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but  an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older  Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite  stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a  driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a  clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the  license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of  my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and  that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar  told you I was speeding, too.

MORAL:

Don’t Mess With Little Old Ladies

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Fun & Humor Funny, Humor, Joke, Over Speeding

I’ve been hellava busy recently on some projects, had no time to post anything, but couple of days back someone sent this. And I am forced to put this on, it’s lovely. Enjoy.

A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race come about?”

The Mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made.”

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them.”

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?”

The Mother answers, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side.”

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Fun & Humor Funny, Humor

A little boy somewhere in USA, wanted $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write a letter to God requesting $50.When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they decided to forward it to the President of the United States as a joke. The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $20 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $20 bill, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the White House in Washington, DC ..and those assholes deducted $30.

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Fun & Humor Funny, Joke

Element: WOMEN

Symbol: WO+

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban and rural areas.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental, good samples can increase your social value.
2. Can be great aid to administration.

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.

POTENTIAL HAZARD

Illegal to possess more than one, although, several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.

!! WARNING!!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS ABOVE PROPERTIES ARE SHOWN BY ALL THE WOMEN OF THE WORLD

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Fun & Humor Woman

Long time back someone send this in my inbox.

Mr. Smith was brought to a Catholic hospital, and taken quickly in for heart surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Nun, who was waiting by his bed.

“Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting his hand. “We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?” “No, I’m not,” the man whispered hoarsely.

“Then can you pay in cash?” persisted the nun. “I’m afraid I cannot, Sister.”

“Well, do you have any close relatives?” the nun questioned sternly. “Just my sister in New Mexico,” he volunteered. “But she’s a humble spinster nun.” “Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters – they are married to God!”

“Really?,” said Mr. Smith. “In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law!”

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Fun & Humor Joke

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

A Hammer is Male , because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.

A Remote Control is

Female.

Ha! You thought it’d be male , didn’t you? But consider this – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

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Fun & Humor Funny